My name is Dashran Yohan and I’m a huge WWE fan. And right about now, you’re probably thinking, “Comeon bro! You know it’s fake right?”, “Seriously dude?? WWE? That’s like a kids’ show!”, and the very famous line from my mom and dad, “Why do you spend three hours of your life watching men in their underpants pretend to beat each other?”
First of all, mom, it’s not underpants, it’s wrestling tights! Secondly, it’s not just three, but six hours a week (including Smackdown and NXT), not to mention Pay Per Views. Add that to my daily routine of starting my day with a hot cuppa coffee and reading some WWE news, you’ll have God knows how many hours of my life dedicated to WWE. Guys, I’m not insane. Okay, maybe I am a little bit. WWE really is fucking awesome. If you think otherwise then…
Sorrynotsorry guys, couldn’t resist myself.
Let’s start from the basics. WWE is not fake, it’s scripted. Big difference. Movies are fake. When Superman flies around Metropolis whooping Zodd’s ass, destroying shit for 45 minutes, putting the audiences to sleep in the process (such a horrible movie btw), it’s as fake as Pamela Anderson’s tits. Why? Because Henry Cavill is basically just wearing a harness and pretending to do shit in front of a green screen while the computer takes care of the rest. But, when Mick Foley did this…
It was as real as it got. Or when Mick Foley got his head bashed ELEVEN times by The Rock, his wife and kids at ringside started crying and left backstage. REAL! What about when Jeff Hardy and Edge did this…
So, if WWE’s not fake, why does everyone say it’s fake?? EXACTLY! I do not know! WWE is scripted as in the winners are predetermined and the stories are crafted by backstage creatives, but a lot of other aspects are as real as it gets. Broken bones, concussions and muscles torn in places unheard of. Fake? You might want to reconsider the definition.
WWE is about Good VS Evil! Why do we love movies like The Dark Knight so much? It’s because we have a 100% pure-breed genuine dick in The Joker causing havoc and wrecking the lives of innocent people as you wait anxiously, sitting at the edge of your seats, praying that a rich dude in a bat costume would beat the living daylights out of him, save the day and send everyone home happy. Pro-wrestling is exactly the same. On one side, you have Mr McMahon, the evil Chairman. He bullies everything and anything in sight, including women and a one legged man (yes, there was an actual one legged man). On the other end, we have the hell raising, beer drinking redneck anti-hero that would, regardless of the consequences, deliver a Stone Cold stunner to Mr McMahon and everyone that tries to stop him. BRILLIANT! It’s simple and effective storytelling. Yes, it’s a little cheesy but it keeps fans such as myself at the edge of our seats. And you know what’s cool? The fans (most of the time) actually play an active role in deciding the direction of future storylines.
A lot of times, a heel (bad guy) becomes a face (good guy) or vice versa simply because of fans’ reactions. In 1997, WWE fans created history when they turned their backs on long-time WWE hero, Bret Hart, and decided to show their support for the ruthless motherfucker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, creating arguably the most popular face in WWE history, all while launching The Attitude Era (which was a huge, HUGE, HUGE game-changer for the WWE at that time). It is moments like these that make one so proud to be a WWE fan. Much recently, something similar happened. Daniel Bryan is a small sized dude with a big beard and an even bigger heart. In the eyes of WWE higher-ups, he was never going to make it to the big leagues (because of his size), unlike Hulk Hogan, The Rock, etc. Then the unbelievable happened. The crowd fell in love with Daniel Bryan, and that served as a Launchpad for his career. The amount of support he garnered was unlike anything any pro-wrestling fan has seen in a very long time. Just check out the video below.
We, the fans, transformed Daniel Bryan from a talented everyman with a big heart into a superstar! Situations like these are next to impossible in the world of “real” sports. Look guys, I know fan support is important in real sports as well but I spent 9 years cheering and crying my balls out for Arsenal but they still didn’t win shit (they finally won the FA Cup last year, hooray! #GunnersBoleh #GoonerForLife). Heard of the Greenstreet Hooligans? Try telling them West Ham sucks and they’d probably chop you to pieces and barbecue your meat for dinner. Does it make a difference though? Nope. Regardless of how hardcore the fans are, West Ham still kinda sucks donkey dick. Total opposite in the WWE.
Perhaps one of the most interesting elements of WWE is fantasy booking. If you’re a fan of any sport, you’ll understand fantasy booking. Imagine seeing Ronaldo, Henry, Beckham and God-Damn-Freaking-Maradona playing against the team of Bergkamp, Cantona, Ronaldinho and Motherfucking-Pele! Who would win? You can spend hours debating with your friends but the only way to find out who would actually win is A) Never, or B) On your PS3. But in WWE, your fantasy booking can become a reality anytime. The Rock VS Hulk Hogan? No problem. John Cena VS The Rock? Sure sure. NWO VS DX? Boleh, bang. This probably largely has to do with the fact that WWE isn’t an actual sport, but who cares??! It’s awesome! Next up, Hulk Hogan VS Ric Flair in a “loser has saggier balls” match. Okay, maybe not (please stay retired you old farts).
Loads of people hate WWE or pro-wrestling in general without actually understanding it. Watch it with an open mind and you’ll understand exactly what I mean. WWE isn’t fake. It’s theatre, it’s art, it’s poetry in motion.