The Ghostbusters trailer was the stuff of beauty. That is if beauty meant horseshit or Jocelyn Wildenstein, after plastic surgery. No idea who that is? Me neither. Totally Googled “Worst celebrity plastic surgery disasters.” Point is, it’s shitty. So shitty, Bill Murray punctured his eyeballs and shot himself in the head ten times. Sadly, that dumpy piece of shit got a bajilion dislikes on YouTube. Should have gotten two-bajilion dislikes instead.
Also, enough with this feminism bullshit. Okay, before you start chasing me with pitchforks and giant dildos, I said feminism BULLSHIT, not feminism in general. I’m all for equality. I believe women are capable of much more than simply making sandwiches. They’re also capable of cleaning dishes and giving blowjobs being CEOs and kicking ass. Yay female empowerment! But seriously, it’s becoming more like a gimmick than anything else. An on the nose, shoved up your ass marketing ploy. Hollywood says, “THE NEW GHOSTBUSTERS IS MUST SEE!!” I ask why?? Hollywood says, “Because it has an ALL FEMALE CAST!” #Revolutionary #Mindfuckingblown
It doesn’t just end here with Ghostbusters. Even the new Ocean’s Eleven movie comes with an all-female cast in the name of feminism or empowerment or whatever. This isn’t female empowerment. This is femaleridingonmalemadefranchise’sfame-ment. Enough. The Hunger Games and Wonder Woman are movies that empower females. The new Ghostbusters and Ocean’s Eleven is that bitch who became CEO by sucking the founder’s dick.
Anyway, based on the trailer and based on how much I hate feminism bullshit, I was 200% sure Ghostbusters was gonna turn out to be a dumpy piece of shit. Aaaannnnnnnd, I was wrong. Honestly, it’s pretty decent stuff, bro. I know, some of you clicked on this expecting (maybe even hoping) for me to take diarrhoea dumps on it, talking about how I wished every single person who participated in the making of this movie die a thousand deaths and then burn in the deepest depths of hell and then be drowned in a pool of the devil’s semen. But this isn’t one of those reviews.
Unlike the original, Ghostbusters (2016) isn’t a great movie, nor is it a very good movie. What it is, though, is an above average comedy that will keep you entertained throughout. There are moments in this movie where I burst out laughing, uncontrollably. I say moments because there are also many moments where things felt awkward and flat, but not horrible enough to cause me to mutilate myself.
The villain is your typical villainous villain who wants to destroy the world because of reasons that aren’t very clear but I’m pretty sure it’s cause most Hollywood scriptwriters have their heads stuck very high up their buttholes. I don’t know what’s his name, I don’t know what his motives are, but in the end, he dies. If you think this is a spoiler, then you’re probably a hobo or a stray cat who doesn’t watch movies, particularly summer blockbusters. The good guys always win. The trick is to make the audience believe that there’s a chance the good guys might lose. This isn’t one of those movies. Of course it isn’t.
But there are some very entertaining things to look forward to in Ghostbusters. Chris Hemsworth is in this movie, except this time he’s exchanged his dope hair and powerful hammer for Ah Lian glasses and a brain the size of pigeon poo. He’s stupid. Like covers his eyes instead of his ears when there’s a loud noise, stupid. Every time he does something, I laugh. I laugh and laugh and keep on laughing till I begin to wonder if an actual human being is capable of being that stupid? Then I remember Donald Trump.
Leslie Jones, Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy are fine as well. In a movie that’s funny here and there, these ladies are funny here and there. The standout though, is definitely Kate McKinnon. She’s kinda like Gwen Stefani and Pink, except instead of singing, she invents stuff and kicks ass. She’s ridiculous, but also hot at the same time. There’s a scene in the end where this Gwen Stefani chick just goes full on Rambo on some ghosts with the Ghostbusters theme song playing in the background. AH.MA.ZING! Quite the boner-inducing stuff, except, about 20 seconds later, we have to listen to and watch the villainous villain say and do villainous stuff just because. And then there’s something about jumping into a giant hole. I don’t know. Who cares?
There isn’t anything much to say about Ghostbusters. I didn’t hate it; I didn’t love it. It’s just boleh lah. To be fair, I’m not the biggest Ghostbusters fan, so maybe I’m not nearly as disgusted as some of you might be.
Because of stupid Thor, the Gwen Stefani chick, and one of the best theme songs ever created, Ghostbusters is
All photos sourced from Ghostbusters.